If one sneering comment from a disgruntled school teacher had you convinced you were as dull as a rainy bank holiday at ten years old, you will know what mediocre feels like.
Darn it, even your granny said you were mediocre because you never got a school report with comments other than “Jim/Ann could do better if they tried!” You spent most of your teenage years dreaming in front of the TV, or being anti social and “dark” In fact, if you were to write a list of things you failed to do before twenty it would take quite a while.
The trouble is feeling mediocre has convinced you that even John Lennon’s song “Imagine” is for deluded optimists, especially since you never won a tennis match, and were always on the side of the losing team.
As you grow up, you are convinced that for every Richard Branson, there are millions of Michael Murphys so If you want to keep on being mediocre here are a few hints on how to.
Never Give a Guy an Even Break
This means happily never getting things done. You never tidy that pile of papers on your desk, never sort out your cupboards, never pay your bills on time, never go to the dentists even if you have toothache, never make any new decisions, never have a makeover, never change your hair colour, or change your trip to work routine.
You will ban the proverbial “light bulb” from your list of things to do, and you will never attempt to get your head around a new computer gizmo unless forced to at gun point by your boss. Dare we say it, the word “procrastination” will figure as number one pastime.
When it comes to work you will avoid the “big jobs” and if you get any you will delegate. You will also decide that you are such a perfectionist that nothing you do will ever be perfect enough, so it might be best getting someone else to do things, or you could opt for not doing anything at all.
When you talk on the phone to a business contact you are either staring at the ceiling, never listening to what is being said on the other end of the line, or are painting your toe nails.
The Perfection of Murphy’ Law
No you did not graduate with a first or make millions of dollars in one year after gaining your business degree. You preferred to heed indications that every year 12 out of 13 businesses fail. So what are UNIX machines, so how do you put a CD into your computer?
Murphy’s Law hit hard and fast when you decided that the word “persistence” was to be banned from your vocabulary, and “keeping going till you hit the finish line” is a nothing less than a weird and wacko concept.
Patience is something you preferred Penelope to do as she wove her tapestry waiting for her honey to return from the Trojan War. Being “hard headed and dogged till you get the prize” is for the birds, as far as you are concerned.
The Deeper Meaning of “Not Today Wednesday”
Okay you manage to do some things in the required time frame, you can plant a great pot of geraniums, make a great cup of coffee for your boss, manage to type a typo-free report, and you even joined a pyramid networking marketing scheme to no avail. But are you original? Not on your Nelly. How can you be when you never remember where you put your pen, and believe most problems should be delayed until Wednesday.
The Old Boy’s Club
You have rather antiquated ideas about networking, they consist of a smoking a cigar and nattering on about cricket in the “Club” or ranting at your girlfriend about how nobody loves you. You are afraid too many phone calls and emails will disturb your peace of mind. You have also decided “Twittering” is literally for “the birds,” and Facebook is haunted by mad stalkers out to get your guts for garters. You are definitely too shy to be a sales person. At the first no, you would run away weeping. The word “negotiation” is just not on your hit list, nor are words like “mirroring” or “Neuro Linguistic Programming” They terrify you, just as much as clarifying your position does.
At this stage, our question is are you fed up with being mediocre? Are you sick to death of never hitting the nail on the head? Here are some ways to sort out “the wheat from the mediocre chaff.”
1. Realise that everyone has the makings of mediocrity; it is in our DNA, only free will overcome those tendencies.
2. Realise that if Martin Luther King “had a dream” so can you.
3. Mediocre is good only if you look at it from a truly original perspective, like hanging upside down from a tree.
4. You can change mediocrity over night with one word, enthusiasm.
5. You can enjoy being mediocre to the hilt, and even make a career out of it.
6. You can choose what is safe until the “cows come home” and they usually do unless you refuse to milk them.
7. You can enjoy your hobby arranging a vase of flowers, or baking a great apple crumble as it will change your perception of being totally gormless.
8. You can smile when there is nothing to smile about, a heroic kind of character, saving the day far beyond others’ concepts of mediocrity.
9. You can realise that you do not have to imitate Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, “you got the message” on your birth day.
10. You can decide that life is not that long anyway, so why bother, or you could be a lookalike for Grandma Moses who discovered her amazing creative gifts at eighty five and became a very rich landscape painter.
Yes, being mediocre might be your “raison d’ tre”, but the good thing about “”raison d’ tres” is that they tend to change.
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