Nutty, desperate, or just plain Woo Woo, from a mainstream perspective the New Age freak is highly odd. But get this, your average freak actually enjoys their “off beam” status to the full, totally happy to shock their mothers, old school friends and the general public in quick succession, that is once they stop wearing work clobber and go part time “weird” at weekends.
A part time New Age Freak does not wear identity badges or wander around town strumming a guitar singing “I am a New Age Freak” . They do not have a precise dress code, because as we said, they could be disguised in a suit. They are definitely not a Crusty, all dreadlocks, tattoos and second hand army surplus clothing.
Usually even part time freak hair is worn long, the more radical and “full time” freak could go for plaits or Afro hair sculptures, however skinhead hairstyles are out unless you have a severe case of alopecia. Head bands are usually no thicker than half an inch to hold back flowing locks on male and female heads, but can be worn as a chignon or pony tail for work.
Peace sign medallions, ankhs and anything with way out designs are “in” for you, and worn under shirts and jackets at work. Long earrings and piercings are not, as they also bum out the Theta wave moving between the ears. Crystal bracelets, medallions and handmade jewellery are also in. Baggy linen or cotton shirts are number one for weekend wear, sandals are mainly plastic, as leather involve animal skin which is cruel and negative. Even though sandals are not worn at work obviously, they are at weekends, simply because they allow the feet to breathe at last.
Other signals you are a New Age freak? Well, you consider your children a number one priority as they prance around meadows, and enjoy weekends in playing in tree houses or tents. You would be into teaching them yourself if it were not for school inspectors popping around and insisting they go to mainstream schools.
You pray and meditate regularly, and utilise more than one healing system, such as Reiki, to help those in distress. You care about others and the environment. However, you are not into spiritual cult memberships because you don’t like bossy gurus.
Benefits of being a part time New Age Freak:
- <li You often get a seat on the bus or train; people “get” you are different and tend to keep their distance.
<li You love watching sunsets and prancing around on Glastonbury Tor of a weekend.
<li People look at you without knowing why, especially if you are disguised in a suit and wear your stare glassy eyed.
<li Even if other people have not cottoned on yet, you know society is ruled by a bunch of crooks and gangsters.
<li You were kidnapped by aliens.
<li You worship the moon.
<li You converse with spirits on a regular basis.
<li Your hobbies include making your own jewellery, shoes, and paper lamp shades.
<li You take on a gypsy persona and read tarot and hands at local psychic fairs.
<li Dogs leap around your feet.
<li You like jumping into rivers, ponds and streams stark naked.
<li You believe in communal living even if you never shared a house with more than a pet cat or your mum and dad.
<li You do not believe in mainstream science, as it is limited and bigoted.
<li You believe television emanates gamma rays that hypnotise people.
<li The words “oppressive”, “straight” and “mainstream” describe your distain of all that is “System.”
<li Your parents attended the mythical Vortex Gathering in Oregon in 1970.
<li You attended a Living Theatre performance when you were five years old.
<li You call your best mates brothers and sisters.
<li You have studied particle physics and quantum realities.
<li You are into Werner Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.
In other words you are a part time New Age freak. We suggest you are proud of your status simply because you lend colour and vibrancy to otherwise dreary and repressive times, and if you invite us around for tea, the very least we expect is herbal okay?
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